We are all aware that you cannot spend more money than you make. The logic is there, plain and simple. If you take out more than you put in, it is a recipe for disaster. You will end up in debt, in need, or even worse bankrupt. But for some reason, we do not apply that same logic to our marriages. In marriage, many people take much more than they put in, leaving their marriages in love bankruptcy.
But if we logically apply the same principles we have with our finances, and make more and more deposits into our relationship, we can avoid a bankrupt marriage.
#1 – Make Deposits with Your Words
In the courting and wooing stage of a relationship, our words are chosen ever so carefully. But unfortunately in marriage, it doesn’t always stay that way. Sometimes, it is comfort, routine, and busyness that take over. Sometimes it is pain or unresolved, unforgiveness. Sometimes it is just sheer carelessness and laziness.
Whatever the case may be, words are often the currency we have most access to. The words and the tone with which we choose to deliver those words, are vital in marriage. They can truly make or break our love accounts.
But oh so often, we speak flippantly. I am definitely guilty of this one. For some reason, with the person closest to us, we speak without thinking at all. At work, we watch what we say. On social media, we are careful what we put out there (at least most of us are). But with the one person we love more than anyone or anything, we speak with no thought at all. And it can rob us of joy and rob of us a thriving marriage.
So we need to be careful of our words. We have to ask ourselves, “Will this build my spouse up? Will these words be making a deposit or withdrawal?” We have to think back to how we spoke to our spouse early in the relationship. Think of the tone. Think of the joy. Think of the fun. And bring that back into the home.
#2 – Make Deposits with Your Acts of Service
Many working spouses are guilty of coming home and wanting their spouse to fill their account. Maybe you’re tired from a long day and you worked hard. So there is a sense of entitlement, and maybe an expectation of deservedness. You’re expecting to be taken care of. But that is not how Jesus loved nor how he called us to love.
We need to take the contrary approach in marriage. Our attitude should be the exact opposite. What can I do to fill up my spouse? How was their day? What can I do, walking in the door, to make their life easier? Those are the questions that will lead to the actions which will build up your spouse. Those are the questions that will lead to the actions of depositing.
And this is true no matter who is working, or if no one is working, or if both are working from home. It doesn’t matter. The bottom line is that biblically, we have been asked to love our spouse the way we would love our own self. And we are selfish! 🙂 So we must think of our spouse, each and every time we think about ourselves. You’re hungry. Maybe she is too. You need a coffee warmup. I bet hers is getting cold too. You’re hoping to getaway and have some time with the girls? Maybe he is hoping for the same thing with the boys.
When we deflect our selfish desires and expectations, we will constantly find ways to be thinking of our spouse. And hopefully through that, we will be finding ways to make depository actions, actions that build up our spouse and build up our marriage.
#3 – Make Deposits with Your Prayers
I can think of a different types of prayer when praying for your spouse.
*Pray for them.
When is the last time you prayed for your spouse? When is the last time you prayed for their faith, for their goals, for their hurt and pain, for whatever they’re personally wrestling with? Coming back to loving our spouse as we love ourselves, how could we not be praying for them?!
And this will also open up some great communication. Because how can we pray for their faith, if we don’t know how they’re doing in their faith? How can we pray for their goals, if we don’t know what they’re striving for? And how can we pray for their hurt or pain, if we don’t know what they’re going through?
When we pray for our spouse, we allow God and spirit to work in them even more. We equip them more than we will ever know. And we make deposits into our marriage that will multiply.
*Pray over them.
This is just an amplified version of the first one. Don’t only pray for them. Also, pray over them. Lay hands on them and pray out loud for them, with them by your side. Praying for them is great, but doesn’t always allow for intimacy between you and your spouse. When you pray over them, closeness is strengthened and intensified. You are actively showing them you care for them. You are making intentional deposits into their love tank.
*Pray for their weaknesses.
Sometimes in marriage, we can nag each other. We can call each other out on weaknesses. And at times, this is necessary. But other times, it can be a nuisance. And if it is something you are always calling out, maybe your nagging and reminding is not working. So the solution is to give it to God. God can do more than us. That is simple truth. So, why not give it to God?
Pray for change. Or pray for your heart to change toward this ‘shortcoming’ that you see. Either way, getting it out there to God and not out there to your spouse, can potentially take away another withdrawal, basically addition by subtraction… sort of. I’m not good at math. I teach English 🙂
Obviously there are other ways to make deposits, but I believe these three are ones which come up in our daily lives. Our words, our actions, and our prayers can be daily deposits into our marriages. They can be intentional and foundational currency in our marriages.
And the more currency we have in our marriages, the more equipped we are for the unexpected. Because life and mistakes will throw tidal waves of withdrawal in our lives… a job loss, a sickness, infidelity, hurt… and if we have already been taken over and over again, how will we have anything else to give? How we will respond to the unexpected will hinge on how full our bank is. If we are already bankrupt, already on empty, we will have nothing left to give.
So remember today, to deposit all you can into your marriage. Intentionally deposit love, deposit uplifting words, deposit acts of service, and deposit prayer over your marriage.